Keeper of His Home

by Chelsea McCafferty

Why Women Pastorship is Anti-Biblical

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I was talking with a friend and sister in the Lord last night about the concept of women pastors and this morning it was on my heart to go ahead and share why having women in a pastoring role is not in alignment with God’s Word. Now I know there are all kinds of movements and justifications out there for allowing women to teach, lead or pastor a church, and I could go through each one of them one by one and explain what makes them invalid points, but I don’t need to do that. I don’t need to know those arguments, nor do I need to dispute them and that’s because I know and believe what the Bible says on the matter.

Reading the Word in its most basic form shows us God’s plan for church leadership/teaching, and anything added to it is merely man’s logic, ideas, thinking, etc. God’s ways are above ours. Pleasing Him should be our primary focus. So, I look at what the Bible says and I get the answer to the question of whether or not women should pastor or teach a church. I don’t need anything more than that and I trust that God’s plan is perfect.

“Therefore an overseer must be above reproach, the husband of one wife, sober-minded, self-controlled, respectable, hospitable, able to teach…” 1 Timothy 3:2

Why should a woman not pastor a church? Because the Bible makes it clear on several accounts that an “overseer” (the word means pastor, elder, leader) is to be a man. A husband of one wife. In every passage that talks about the role and qualifications of a pastor, the person is referred to in the masculine format. He is a male. God clearly desires men to be leading the church under His (Jesus’) headship.

This makes perfect sense, after all, because we see a pattern in scripture. God refers to Christ as head of the church, He being the groom and we are the bride. He always refers to Himself as masculine. Then we see God making the husband as leader of the household. Male leadership. So it makes perfect sense that God’s will is for men to lead the church. We will talk more about why in a moment, but for now we can trust the Lord and submit to His Word that women are not to pastor. Still, we go on…

“11 Let a woman learn quietly with all submissiveness. 12 I do not permit a woman to teach or to exercise authority over a man; rather, she is to remain quiet. 13 For Adam was formed first, then Eve; 14 and Adam was not deceived, but the woman was deceived and became a transgressor.” 1 Timothy 2:11-13

The Bible says here that women are to learn in silence. People have asked me, “What does that mean? Are women not allowed to speak in church? What about prayer? What about worship?” The scripture here isn’t talking about worship or prayer. It is talking about learning and teaching. Women are to learn in silence. We have seen elsewhere in scripture where women were worship leaders. We don’t see scripture against women praying aloud during times of prayer. We don’t see scripture stopping them from using spiritual gifts. We simply see that when it comes to the teaching aspect of church, they are to learn in silence.

In verse 12 there in 1 Timothy 2, we see that there are three separate things women are told not to do in this church setting:

  1. Teach a man
  2. Exercise authority over a man
  3. Remain quiet

We therefore see that it is not Biblical for women to teach Biblical principles to men or to be in authority over them, as a pastor role would allow. Again, there are many theories and ideas out there to justify women teaching under the authority of male leadership, but ultimately this scripture doesn’t just talk about authority. It also talks about teaching. So I cannot agree with those theories that seem to add their own opinions to God’s Word.

You may  be wondering why God commanded this? Why can’t women teach men if they are good teachers and feel called? Wasn’t it just about the culture at the time the Bible was written? No. It wasn’t. First of all, God doesn’t change. If you believe the scripture is God’s very Word, then there is no reason to believe He had a different plan for the structure of the NT church than He does for today. He’s never wrong, ergo He never needs to evolve or change. His ways are perfect always. Also, we don’t need to ask why because He already told us.

Why????

13 For Adam was formed first, then Eve; 14 and Adam was not deceived, but the woman was deceived and became a transgressor.” 1 Timothy 2:13-14

God answers the question. It wasn’t about the culture. It wasn’t about whether or not women were “good” teachers. It was because Adam was formed first and then Eve, showing a progression of leadership and authority. It can be related to how Jesus is referred to as the first-fruit. It shows His pre-eminence and His position as first in rank or leadership. So Adam was created first and given his jobs and callings and instructions. Then God created Eve and made her to be a perfect helper for her husband. She was to help him in the calling God had put on his (and thus their) lives.

He also says there in verse 14 that Adam was not deceived but Eve was. That’s the truth that I think makes everything perfectly clear and gives me such a sense of harmony with God’s Word on this topic. Eve was deceived because she was a woman led by emotions. Let’s face it, we ladies tend to be more led by emotions than logic. God says we are easier to be led astray or deceived than our men. He created them to be less emotional and more logical.

So logical-thinking men are placed in the positions of authority and teaching in the church. Are we ladies left out? Certainly not. You see our emotional and nurturing side makes us perfectly suited for other roles we are to carry. We support our husbands. We nurture our children. We teach other sisters in the Lord (Titus 2). We feed people. We clothe them. We make them feel welcome. We have SO much to offer ladies and God wants to use our emotional and nurturing side so powerfully. He made us this way for a reason! It’s beautiful!

I believe God’s Word. It’s pretty clear on this issue of ladies teaching, and yet I know there are wonderful believers who disagree. This blog isn’t meant to offend or to come against them. However, in a world where men’s theories and ideas are being taught as if it were scripture, it’s important that there are still voices out there proclaiming what God’s Word really says. To my sisters in the Lord who have claimed the role of pastor, pray hard and be open to God turning your heart. He has a perfect plan for His church, and scripture says it isn’t with a woman at the helm. God has great plans for all of His daughters and He wants to use them, but His way. Not ours.

I encourage you ladies to share this and also to look it up for yourselves. Just remember, this isn’t my opinion. This is a very simple look at what scripture says. It’s black and white. Be careful that you do not allow the theories and justifications and concepts of men and women to be more important or valid than God’s Word on the matter. God bless!

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When I Hurt a Friend with my Words

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I’d like to tell you that I never say or do anything that would harm another person. I’d like to say that I was never insensitive or inconsiderate. I’d love to tell you that every word I utter or type is grounded in wisdom, kindness and love. I wish I could tell you that I’ve never hurt a friend, but that would be a lie. I’m here to say that I did hurt a friend, and I so wish it wasn’t true.

As a blogger, some of my blogs are written more off the cuff than others. Most are the result of study and prayer. I try to make sure I word things in a way that is truthful but also gentle and compassionate. I also try to be very clear about the tone, direction and meaning of what I’m writing. Sometimes I get it wrong. In a recent blog, I made a comment that brought hurt to the heart of a dear friend and sweet sister in the Lord. I was so glad that she made her feelings known to me in such a gentle and loving way. I’m glad we had the openness to talk about it and that she caused me to take another look at what I wrote. In doing so, I recognize so clearly where my words were both hurtful and also misleading.

You see, in an effort to encourage deeper relationships within the church (particularly within the sisterhood of the church family), I made a comment that would seem to readers to completely dismiss the close friendships and relationships that I have been so blessed with over the past seven or so years. As I re-read the blog, I got a clear picture of how hurtful those words could be. I immediately regretted ever penning them. As my eyes moistened, I was reminded by the Spirit that I can sometimes be so blind to how powerful words can be. They can edify or tear down. They can encourage or discourage. They can speak goodness or darkness. They can make a friend feel loved or they can make her feel like her friendship wasn’t what she thought it was.

I apologized to my friend last night, but I wanted to write this blog because I want to be real with you. As a blogger, I’m sharing words every day that can be powerful. It’s so important that we use those words wisely. It’s important that we think before we speak. I value my friend so very much. I’ve been so blessed by her friendship, love and support. Her and her family have been an encouragement to us, helped us when we were hurting and shown us the love of God. When I wrote those words, I didn’t even consider how they were going to be taken. I didn’t mean what they implied. Still, harmful words are hard to erase.

I’m blessed to know that my friend has forgiven me, and I so hope she knows how much I care for her and appreciate her friendship. I hope she knows I treasure her and her family. Life as a believer in Christ is all about growing, and we never stop learning….usually from our mistakes. I’ve learned a lot from this one. Hopefully you too can learn something from my mistake before having to make it yourself.

Words are powerful. Use with caution!`

Let all that you do be done in love.” 1 Corinthians 16:14

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Five Marriage Killers Part 2

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2. Clamorous and a Nag

People assume that nagging is just a normal part of marriage and turn a blind eye. Then again, divorce has become such a “normal part of life” that people rarely even bat an eye at the mention of it. It’s hardly surprising to find nagging an acceptable trait amongst wives and Christian women. It is time to wake up, sisters, and identify nagging for what it is—ugly, ungodly and just plain irritating.
Nagging occurs on a variety of levels and within a wide array of topics. Women are almost always the culprits and the need to nag seems to arise from a feeling that they are entitled to more than they have or that their husbands are not meeting their high standards in one way or another. That unrighteous attitude of entitlement creates in a lack of gratitude, anger, resentment and indignation when we don’t get what we want. For example, Lisa feels she is entitled to a tidy yard, and so if it is not tidy she feels at liberty to nag and shout at her husband until he gets it done. Jane thinks she’s entitled to brand name clothing at top prices, so she makes her resentment known to her husband when he insists all they can afford is the knock-off brands. Ladies, we need to remember what exactly we are entitled to—death.

Remember that it is by the grace of Jesus Christ that we have not been condemned to eternal separation from God because of our sins. We deserve nothing. Every good and perfect thing that we have is from God and because of His sweet and rich grace. I’m not saying that we should be doormats as wives and that we should never ask anything of our husbands. It is how we go about asking and how we react that matters.

Is it good for our husbands to take care of the maintenance of our homes and yards? Sure. Is it good for him to live up to his responsibilities as a husband and father? Absolutely! Godly men usually do behave in these ways when they are seeking the Lord. The kicker is that this book is not written for those men. They have their own literature to read and more mature men to disciple them. You, as a wife, need to abandon those feelings of entitlement which prevent you from being truly grateful to God for the life, husband and provisions you have. We need to learn that we can respectfully share with our husbands once and then leave it alone. God is in control. When we can get to that point and stop the conflict-inducing nagging, then we can live at peace with our men.

When it comes to nagging, my own guess is that about 90% of nagging is about tasks the husband is not getting done around the house. He forgot to take out the trash, fix the leaky sink and clean out the storage unit. He keeps forgetting to call when he knows he will be coming home a bit late from work. He squeezes the toothpaste tube in the middle and leaves his clothes on the bathroom floor every morning! He never takes his plate to the kitchen sink when he’s finished with the meal you’ve lovingly and selflessly cooked for him, right? Cry me a river! Okay, I shouldn’t have said that so flippantly, but if these are the biggest problems in your marriage, you should be dancing for joy and praising the Lord for the blessings He’s poured out on you! Ladies, there are women out there who are being beaten daily, cursed at daily and treated horribly. There are women whose husbands have left them to raise their children alone, who are barely able to keep food on the table and could care less about the state of the yard. There are real problems out there, so it is time to stop nagging your husband for not taking out the trash, appreciate him for the man that he is and all the worthy things he does for you and the kids, and take the trash out yourself.

While it certainly is a pleasure to have a husband who takes care of these needs around the home, it is important that you, dear wife, are not causing friction in the marriage relationship by bringing up the same topics over and over. Chances are your husband heard you the first time and has decided not to comply with whatever you have asked of him. Now the ball is in his court. Leave it there. If your husband neglects to do these things, then do them yourself or hire someone else to do it, but be careful not to nag him. Even Jesus spoke of this type of repetitive communication when He commanded His disciples not to use “vain repetitions” in prayer. If the Lord God Himself doesn’t want vain repetitions, then I’m sure our husbands don’t appreciate it either.

There is often a lack of accountability and discernment in this area within the church, and wives are becoming better and better at getting their way through the art of consistent, persistent nagging. The truth is, it works like a charm, as men give into their wives’ demands with broken spirits and contrite hearts, but is this a method that God finds acceptable? What about your husband? Is a nagging wife lovely and virtuous? Does your nagging make him want to please and love you more? What does he really think about your nagging?

“A foolish woman is clamorous: she is simple, and knoweth nothing.” Proverbs 9:13

The Hebrew word for “clamorous” is the word “hāmâ”, which means, “roars, noisy, disquieted, troubled, loud, tumultuous or raging.” Basically, the foolish woman is a loud-mouth. She constantly feels the need to tell everyone where they should be going and what they should be doing. She is never quiet and content, but always finds something that she feels she must put right. Perhaps she has a word quota to meet each day, but kind and uplifting words of affirmation don’t count! We need to look in the mirror and ask ourselves if we are clamorous. Do we love to hear ourselves talk? Do we have to be right all the time? Do we think we always have the right answer? Are we just plain loud all the time? While we may think this makes us look wise, the hard truth is it makes us look foolish, and does not encourage affection from our husbands. When you ask your husband why he loves you, would you be offended if he said, “I love you because you have a big mouth, tell everyone what to do and nag me constantly”?

“Wherefore, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath…” James 1:19

“Every wise woman buildeth her house: but the foolish plucketh it down with her hands.” Proverbs 14:1

A woman’s mouth can either be used to build up those around her or to tear them down and destroy them. The tongue can be such a dangerous thing; the match that starts a raging wildfire. With only a few words you have the ability to encourage, edify and show love to your husband and children, building them up. Words of affirmation are a help-meet’s best friend. Use them whenever you can. Give your husband praise for being a good provider in the home and taking care of you and the kids. This manner of edifying communication is good in the sight of the Lord. However, if you then use the next breath to discourage, wound and humiliate, would you not consider that foolish? Words are powerful tools. How will you use your words today? Will you use them to criticize and nag you husband for not taking the trash out this morning, or will you use them to whisper sweet words of affirmation in his ear as he heads out to work, knowing he will be thinking about you all day? The choice is yours sister. Don’t make yourself a fool.

“Out of the same mouth proceedeth blessing and cursing. My brethren, these things ought not so to be.” James 3:10

“A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger.” Proverbs 15:1

“Even a fool, when he holdeth his peace, is counted wise: and he that shutteth his lips is esteemed a man of understanding.” Proverbs 17:28

“It is better to dwell in a corner of the housetop, than with a brawling woman in a wide house.” Proverbs 21:9

“It is better to dwell in the wilderness, than with a contentious and an angry woman.” Proverbs 21:19

“It is better to dwell in the corner of the housetop, than with a brawling woman and in a wide house.” Proverbs 25:24

“A continual dropping in a very rainy day and a contentious woman are alike.” Proverbs 27:15

The Hebrew word for “brawling” and “contentious” is actually the same word, “midyān”. It describes the woman who is always nagging, moaning, unhappy, complaining about something, and ever-so-difficult to please. Men often call this type of woman “high maintenance” and it makes perfect sense that men married to “high maintenance” women often walk around defeated and deflated with their heads hanging low. They never seem to win! Why is this same basic sentence about contentious, nagging women repeated over and over in Proverbs? Are we seeing a pattern? Repetition indicates importance in the Bible. We can clearly see from these passages that the Lord knew and recognized that nagging was, is and probably will continue to be, a huge problem in marriage. Is a woman who fits this description attractive?

The God of the Bible, who loves you and cherishes you dear sister, says that nagging and clamorous behavior is not beautiful, but indeed very, very ugly. I’ve struggled with nagging as well in my own life and daily ask the Lord to help me bridle my tongue and use it for edification instead of destruction. Praying the same for you!

 

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