Keeper of His Home

by Chelsea McCafferty

Mothering Your Man

I’ve heard awesome, Christian men say it more than once, and in many ways, in regards to their relationship with their wives…

”If she would only stop mothering me…”.

“She treats me like a child.”

“She is always correcting me.”

“I wanted a wife, not another mother!”

Oh boy, do we have a problem here, ladies! You see God made most of us with a mothering nature. It’s part of our general makeup to mother, correct and nurture in a way that men will never fully grasp. It’s great when it comes to raising up kids – not so great when we start applying that mothering nature to our husbands. Then we have a problem indeed.

The problem is, at least in most cases, men don’t want to mothered by their wives. Hopefully when a man marries a woman, he does so because he loves her, respects her, is attracted to her and passionate towards her. He wants her to be his partner, lover, best friend and looks forward to her being the mother of his children….not HIS mother too! Suddenly, a man who has been taking care of himself, making his own decisions (such as what to wear and what to eat), is being instructed by his “wi-ther” (wife-mother) on such matters. Most men will not only find this to be annoying but also disrespectful. Pretty soon he’s asking permission to have a cookie or wear his favorite baseball cap to the picnic, and he’s wondering when that sexy, adoring woman he married decided to adopt him instead of just be his wife.

We want to be careful, sisters, that we do not treat our husbands like they are our children. I learned this the hard way myself. When my hubby and I got married, I was not a fan of his wardrobe choices at all. He would put outfits together that didn’t match or just weren’t flattering. I would confidently tell him that he couldn’t wear that out and offer him other choices. I could tell it was deflating to him and it often brought on conflict. At one point I had to decide which was more important: that I was proud of how he dressed or that I was proud of the peaceful, happy marriage we possessed. We have to pick what’s important to us. Pride is often a factor that needs to be broken down in order to allow our husbands to be who they are without mothering and scolding them into changing for us.

(By the way, if your husband likes you to pick out his clothes, that’s fine! Just don’t force your opinions on him when he doesn’t receive them well.)

So here are some of the most common ways a wife mothers her husband:

  • Telling him what to wear.
  • Telling him what to eat.
  • Telling him whom he should befriend.
  • Reminding him how to do simple, mundane tasks.
  • Correcting him when he’s telling a story.
  • Referring to him as your “other child” (uh oh)
  • Scolding him (especially in front of the kids or other people)
  • Calling him immature.
  • Speaking to him with “that” mothering tone of voice.
  • Speaking slowly to him like he doesn’t understand you.
  • Telling him what he can and can’t watch, read, listen to, etc.
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