Keeper of His Home

by Chelsea McCafferty

When Christians Make Light of Divorce


I’m often surprised by the comments and actions of men and women who proclaim themselves to be followers of Christ but then misrepresent Him and the Word in most, if not all, areas of their lives. It surprises me when “Christians” admit to being pro-choice or when they try to justify supporting sexual immorality (sex outside of marriage, homosexuality, etc.). It disturbs me to see “Christians” at bars getting wasted or to hear them brag about how they deceived the government into getting more welfare by misrepresenting their income. What breaks my heart even more is to hear “Christians” talk about divorce with a flippant attitude as if it’s some sort of joke. It’s no joke and it’s no laughing  matter.

God hates divorce. Divorce breaks the heart of the Father. You see, when He designed marriage, it was to be for a lifetime. It was to be a heavenly gift to His people that would train them up into maturity in ways only marriage can. We see that as the Lord compares earthly marriage to the spiritual marriage between Christ and the church (Eph 5). Divorce wasn’t God’s plan, though He does allow it in cases of adultery because of the hardness of hearts. It’s no joking matter.

“He said to them, “Because of your hardness of heart Moses allowed you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so.” Matthew 19:8 ESV

“And this second thing you do. You cover the LORD’s altar with tears, with weeping and groaning because he no longer regards the offering or accepts it with favor from your hand. But you say, “Why does he not?” Because the LORD was witness between you and the wife of your youth, to whom you have been faithless, though she is your companion and your wife by covenant.Did he not make them one, with a portion of the Spirit in their union? And what was the one God seeking? Godly offspring. So guard yourselves in your spirit, and let none of you be faithless to the wife of your youth. “For the man who does not love his wife but divorces her, says the Lord, the God of Israel, covers his garment with violence, says the Lord of hosts. So guard yourselves in your spirit, and do not be faithless.”” Malachi 2:13-16 ESV

This passage in Malachi really shows us the heart of the Father and how He regards divorce. Does it look like He finds it funny? Takes it lightly? Is totally fine with it? No. God takes marriage and divorce very seriously. He never wanted His children to experience the pain of divorce. He made them one flesh…if one flesh is torn in half, will that not cause pain and terrible scarring? Of course it does. It hurts the man and the woman. It breaks the heart of the children. Divorce is ugly and painful and violent and brokenness.

Understand that God does sometimes release people into divorce. For a man or woman who has experiences the horrific pain of having a spouse commit adultery, you do have the freedom Biblically to file for divorce. For people who are being abused, leaving for your own safety and the safety of your children is of course the right thing to do (though that might not include divorce). Yes, sometimes divorce is unavoidable, and we do not want our brothers and sisters walking around with their heads hanging low in shame because they could not save their marriage. There are some things that are out of our control. There is also grace and forgiveness. Still divorce is never something to be celebrated. So why do so many Christians approach it with such flippancy?

Here’s the thing…we live in a fallen world where people are exceedingly sinful and selfish. We all struggle with our sin nature. Sin is built upon notions of self-love, selfishness and self-pleasing. We build our dreams on the concept of entitlement. So we see record number of divorces happening all the time for reasons that do not match with God’s Word. Most of the time these are not people who are being abused or cheated on. They are simply unhappy. They have lost affection for their spouse. They argue and refuse give. They don’t feel their needs are being met. Christians who choose divorce without Biblical cause will often make light of it to make themselves feel better. We hear comments like:

I’m finally free to follow my own dreams.”

“Let’s throw a divorce party!”

“Yeah we both decided we would be happier as friends.”

“I deserve to be happy.”

“Me being happy will make my kids happy.”

“It all turned out for the best.”

“I just know God is cool with my divorce.”

This is the world talking. This is not the attitude of a person in sync with the heart of the Author of marriage. Marriage isn’t all about your happiness. It isn’t about what you deserve. Happiness doesn’t come from chasing dreams, but rather from chasing after God. No, the kids will not be happy if they are pulled away from a good and loving parent just because you will feel better. No, God is not happy with your divorce. He’s NEVER happy with divorce. He allows it for adultery, and He frees believers from marriage if their unbelieving spouse walks away, but He never rejoices in divorce. He’s never “ok” with it. It breaks His heart.

Christians need to stop making light of divorce. We need to stop making jokes about it. We need to be fighting for marriage and speaking the truth in love. We need to be encouraging people to try harder and praying for them. We need to disciple husbands and wives. When we have friends who are divorcing, we need to offer them support and love and take it seriously. There is grace. There is forgiveness. We need to love and care for those who had no choice but to divorce, and we need to do it with the seriousness that it deserves. It’s not a joke.

Divorce is a sad part of living in this fallen world. God doesn’t find it funny, and neither should we.

days of our lives via photopin (license)

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The Pain of this Life

Historias Visuales via photopin cc

Most of my blogs center around a subject that I feel convicted about, study thoroughly and feel led by the Spirit to write. They are topics I am passionate about and I tend to try to leave my own emotional response or opinions on the sidelines. Tonight, I just feel like speaking from the heart.

The truth is, my little family has been going through so much lately in terms of trials and spiritual attack. As a friend and sister in the Lord reminded me, not all trials are specifically attacks of the enemy, although all are no doubt the result of sin and fallen man. Some of the problems we face are just part of life in a broken down and dying world. Others are direct assaults from the father of lies. The point is, we suffer here. Some more than others. Some much more.

This world. Sigh. This decaying, broken down, full of sickness and pain world. How I tire of the endless disappointment, heartache and despair I see in the faces of suffering people. How it wears me down to hear of children battling cancer and terrorists using the elderly and children as human shields! This world! It’s falling apart at the seams. The Bible says it’s groaning as it longs for redemption.

There are so many heartaches. So much pain. So much evil and darkness. So much sickness. Everything, even our bodies, are failing. They are growing weaker by the day. More cancer. More diabetes. More chronic pain and diseases that are progressive and misunderstood. We are eating food that isn’t food and our bodies are crying out for relief. We are filling our homes with violence and divorce and our children are bearing witness. We are flocking to therapists and psychologists and holistic healers to try and heal the brokenness and make sense of the pain. Well, it does make sense. When we look around us, we see darkness, pain and hurt everywhere….both inside and outside the church.

So what’s the deal then for us Christians? I can tell you that more than once have I wrestled with how to maintain hope and joy in the midst of heartache and trouble. As I write this, I am battling it now. I am battling the pain. I’m fighting the despair. I know God is in control and that He will never leave me. I know that I’m blessed in many ways. I know that He will get me through this too. I’m just tired, my friends. So tired. So ready for the next part of God’s plan. Like the earth, I’m groaning inwardly awaiting the return of my Savior. I’ll not cling to this world. I’ll cling to Him with every ounce of my strength. Amen!

What to do now about pain? I think there’s nothing to do but a daily surrender. We need to place every care and concern and hurt and disappointment and pain into the capable and powerful and loving hands of the Father, and leave them there. For me, I have to do this every day because, as He is my witness, it seems we have a new trial every single day as of late. Every day I wake up, give my trouble to the Lord, receive new burdens, and have to hand them over too. It feels like I’m a hamster on a wheel sometimes. Feels like it will never end. Yet I know it will. He is coming back friends! He is coming soon! Of that I have no doubt.

In the beginning of this blog I mentioned that some suffer more than others. That’s truth. There are some that have it way worse than we do and some who suffer far less. There are times and seasons where the trials are more abundant, and there are times of refreshing quiet. The truth is, it doesn’t matter. We can focus on who has it easier than we do, but what good comes of that? Is there a reason we suffer while others don’t? Sure. I’m sure God’s got a reason. He is sovereign. He could take our troubles away, but for some reason He is allowing them. Maybe it’s for our good. Maybe it’s for someone else. Perhaps it’s to give us a witness or to test our resolve. Whatever the reason, we have to hold fast to the promise that these present sufferings are not worthy to be compared to the glory that is to come. We have to believe it! We have to cling to it!

I have many troubles. I have many cares. I don’t know why God is allowing it, but I will choose day by day to trust Him. It’s all I can do. I will hold onto the hope. I will hold fast to His promises. I will not be moved. When my heart fails, God is greater than my heart. When my emotions deceive, the Word of Truth will bring me back to reality. When the enemy attacks, I take up the armor of God and fight. I’ll fight to the death, because I know that God has already won the battle. I know where I’m going. I know that there is glory to come.

If you are suffering right now, you’re not alone. There are many Christians who are suffering. Sometimes we’re afraid to admit it because we think people will look down on us. We aren’t perfect? Honestly? We know there is pain, so why put on a fake smile and pretend? I pray that you would be able to share your suffering with brothers and sisters in the Lord. Be real and be honest with someone you trust. Ask for help and prayer. I pray that you would find hope and encouragement in the Word. Believe those promises and grasp them firmly with both hands. You can make it through. With Jesus, you will. He will carry you through this and someday it’ll all be worth it. It’ll be worth every tear.

If you aren’t a Christian, this suffering will only lead to a worse ending. Eternal suffering is what awaits the man or woman who dies without being reconciled to Christ. There is hope in Jesus. He knows you, loves you and wants to have a relationship with you. Cry out to Jesus. Repent of your sins. Ask Him to change your heart.

As for the McCafferty family, we pray that the days ahead get easier and we ask the Lord to deliver us from these present troubles, if it is His will. Still, if the troubles keep going, we will stand firm. Our faith won’t die. We will praise the Lord through our tears and heartache. We will trust Him and continue to hand over our troubles. We will find hope in the Author of hope and find rest in the easy yoke of Jesus. I pray the same for you dear saint.

And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away.” Revelation 21:4

Thanks for letting me share my heart. God bless you!

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