Keeper of His Home

by Chelsea McCafferty

Playing the Blame Game

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It’s been the way of mankind since the fall in the Garden of Eden. Man blames woman. Woman blames the serpent. It’s the blame game in full effect. Funny enough, despite efforts to “pass the buck”, all three were punished there in the Garden. All three had sinned against God indeed. Yet, when times get difficult, and we know they always do, it can be so easy to get into pointing fingers and assigning blame, and this can be a real marriage killer. I know…I’ve struggled with this one a lot over the years!

There are going to be trials and tribulations in life that are no one’s fault in particular, but we so often feel the need to blame each other and to consequently take our disappointments out on the “guilty” party. Sometimes the problem has been caused by one person’s bad choice. Instead of simply realizing that we all make mistakes and then picking up the pieces together, we come unleash our wrath and sometimes hold onto the issue far longer than what is necessary or prudent.

We had a funny example of this just the other night. We drove to a friend’s house and it was still somewhat light outside. I was driving. I parked the car, but I thought we were just running something in, so I left it at a funny angle and with the lights and everything on. We got out and were talking and our friends invited us in for a few minutes. My husband took the keys and went to roll up windows and turn off the car. We went inside, had a splendid time of fellowship, and when it was time to go we realized the car lights had been left on for the past hour or so.

We both immediately jumped to blame the other person. He blamed me because I had been the one driving. I blamed him because he had been the last person in the car. It was a funny little exchange that happened in those few seconds until my husband tried to start the car. Thank the Lord, it started without a problem! We were all relieved and even laughed later about our little blame game standoff.

This was a much lighter example than the hundreds we could discuss. Common reasons a spouse blames another include such troubling issues as: finances, child training, infertility, home maintenance and lack of family devotion time. We need to realize how damaging it is to our marriage and our family when we play the blame game. It can be quite serious. We are supposed to be on the same team. We are supposed to be cheering one another on and then comforting each other when we fall. Tearing each other down and pointing the finger only weakens ourselves. Here are some important concepts to remember next time you’re tempted to play the blame game:

1. We are all sinners and failures at some point. 

“For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God” Romans 3:23

2. We are one flesh, so blaming and tearing down our spouse is like doing it to ourselves.

So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.” Matthew 19:6

3. Blaming your man is not respectful.

However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.” Ephesians 5:33

4. Pointing out your husband’s failures is not loving.

And so train the young women to love their husbands and children…” Titus 2:4

5. The blame game is bad for everyone in the home, including the children. It tears the home down and makes it weaker instead of stronger.

The wisest of women builds her house, but folly with her own hands tears it down.” Proverbs 14:1

 

Instead of being one of those wives who is constantly pointing out where your husband is to blame for the problems you face, why not try being his helpmeet? The perfect helper wouldn’t point out the mistakes and assign blame, but rather comes alongside and helps pick up the pieces. She makes him look better – not worse. She ministers to him when he is disappointed in himself. She shares the burden, not passes it. She edifies him with her words and actions. This is the kind of wife I long to be. Praise the Lord that He continues to teach us.

 

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Foster/Adoption

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“The Lord looks down from heaven; He sees all the children of man…” Psalm 33:13

William and I are very excited to be sharing some news with you. After many years of prayerful consideration, we feel confirmed that God is leading us to open our home to children whom He will send our way through the county foster/adoption program. This has been a big decision and one that we don’t take lightly. We believe God calls us to care for the “orphans” of this world, and we know He has put a deep love in our hearts for children.

As some of you may know, I have struggled with issues of infertility. The Lord blessed us with one daughter naturally, which was such an incredible blessing. We thank the Lord daily for her. I always felt that I wanted to have a big family. I would have been the lady with ten kids if the Lord had allowed. I know He has thus far not allowed that path, though I still pray for more children naturally, but perhaps His reasons for closing wombs is sometimes to encourage families to make loving homes for those children who have experienced abandonment, abuse, neglect, etc.

If the Lord allows for us to adopt this way, we will be so incredibly joyful. We know there is room in our home and in our hearts for more children. So we step out in faith and trust that He will open the right doors and close the wrong ones. We ask you to join us as partners in prayer as we start this process. It will be a long one with many obstacles, no doubt! We sincerely appreciate your support.

One area we definitely need prayer and support is in preparing our home for the home inspections and to meet requirements, which can be strict. Below I have compiled a list of things we need and need to do in our home before we are ready. While we are able to support our family, the extra expense will be difficult. We are asking for the help of friends and family in any way you feel called.

If you have any of the items we need and are willing to donate, we love hand-me-downs! If you can help with some of the labor, we would appreciate it (we may be planning a work day). If you would like to donate towards the cost of alterations to the house and purchasing supplies, we have an account set up to accept monetary donations towards the cause. This money will only be spent on purchasing supplies and preparing the home for the children, who may be out there right now waiting for us to bring them home. Any help would be greatly appreciated. To donate click HERE

Items Needed:

Crib (not drop-down or re-called)

Carseat for infant (must not be expired or in an accident)

Playpen (need met, thank you Melinda)

Stroller

Tot locks

Bathtub (and to have it installed)

Small dresser (need met, Thanks again Melinda :-))

Supplies for babies (diapers, wipes, bottles, etc)

Supplies for dog run (hogwire, connectors, etc)

Window replace in kitchen

*** Play area supplies for backyard (desired)

Work Needed

Yard:

Backyard clean up and hole fill

Build dog run with shelter

Fix broken fence and gate

Replace vents below house

Design play area for kids

Laundry Room:

Clean out/organize

Build/buy shelves and organize safely

Kitchen:

Replace window with crack

Tot locks on cleaning supplies, knives and meds

Bathroom;

Replace tub and caulking

Kid’s Room:

Work on closet, space for two

Another small dresser/reorganize

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Laughter is Excellent Medicine

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Strength and dignity are her clothing, and she laughs at the time to come.” Proverbs 31:25

Oh the joy of laughter! I absolutely love to laugh. I love those amazing laughing fits where your tummy starts to hurt and tears are rolling down your cheeks because you are laughing so incredibly hard. I call that “laugh-crying”. I seriously love to laugh, and it’s a good thing too, because laughter is excellent medicine for the soul.

The verse above in Proverbs says that this virtuous woman that we look up to as a role model “laughs at the time to come”. While silly laughter is wonderful, this particular laughter isn’t the result of a good (or bad) joke. This woman isn’t giggling in a young, silly fashion. She is laughing because she is care-free when she peers into the future. You see, she has worked hard and had faith in the Lord, so she is not worried about what’s to come. When you’re not worried, you can laugh. When you laugh, it ministers to your soul and makes for a joyful atmosphere.

Our families need us to be women who can laugh at what’s to come. You see, the way they feel is intertwined with how we react to life. We give them an example and we wives and mommies usually set the tone in our home. If we worry, they will worry. If we are afraid, they will fear. If we are stressed, the stress will start to overtake them as well. Even a young child senses her mother’s emotions and takes them on. A worried mother will see that distress on the face of her child like a mirror reaction.

We need to laugh. The truth is, when we are in Christ, we have nothing to worry about. When we follow Him and devote our home ot Him, we need not fear the future. When we work hard and diligently and we leave the rest in the hands of the Father, we know our home will stand strong. So we can laugh at what’s to come. We can look boldly into the face of the future and laugh aloud knowing that nothing – NOTHING – can destroy a home built upon The Rock of Salvation, Jesus Christ! Amen?

God calls us to be hard workers. When we work hard to prepare our homes, as we read about in Proverbs 31, we can trust that God is going to take good care of us. The future doesn’t scare us. Whatever the Lord wills for our lives will transpire. He is in control. He knows the big picture. He will hold our home together if we are in Him.

You may step out onto your porch and see a storm brewing on the horizon. You see it coming. It may look fierce and cruel. It may seem cold and frightening. You can stand there, stare that storm boldly in the face and laugh until the tears come flowing down. You can laugh because no storm is stronger or more powerful than our big, mighty God. We have done our jobs well and God will preserve us through it so we trade worry for laughter. Our families are blessed. Our home is safe. Our God is glorified. Ah, excellent medicine indeed!

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