Keeper of His Home

by Chelsea McCafferty

Playing the Blame Game

on April 6, 2014

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photo credit: zen via photopin cc

It’s been the way of mankind since the fall in the Garden of Eden. Man blames woman. Woman blames the serpent. It’s the blame game in full effect. Funny enough, despite efforts to “pass the buck”, all three were punished there in the Garden. All three had sinned against God indeed. Yet, when times get difficult, and we know they always do, it can be so easy to get into pointing fingers and assigning blame, and this can be a real marriage killer. I know…I’ve struggled with this one a lot over the years!

There are going to be trials and tribulations in life that are no one’s fault in particular, but we so often feel the need to blame each other and to consequently take our disappointments out on the “guilty” party. Sometimes the problem has been caused by one person’s bad choice. Instead of simply realizing that we all make mistakes and then picking up the pieces together, we come unleash our wrath and sometimes hold onto the issue far longer than what is necessary or prudent.

We had a funny example of this just the other night. We drove to a friend’s house and it was still somewhat light outside. I was driving. I parked the car, but I thought we were just running something in, so I left it at a funny angle and with the lights and everything on. We got out and were talking and our friends invited us in for a few minutes. My husband took the keys and went to roll up windows and turn off the car. We went inside, had a splendid time of fellowship, and when it was time to go we realized the car lights had been left on for the past hour or so.

We both immediately jumped to blame the other person. He blamed me because I had been the one driving. I blamed him because he had been the last person in the car. It was a funny little exchange that happened in those few seconds until my husband tried to start the car. Thank the Lord, it started without a problem! We were all relieved and even laughed later about our little blame game standoff.

This was a much lighter example than the hundreds we could discuss. Common reasons a spouse blames another include such troubling issues as: finances, child training, infertility, home maintenance and lack of family devotion time. We need to realize how damaging it is to our marriage and our family when we play the blame game. It can be quite serious. We are supposed to be on the same team. We are supposed to be cheering one another on and then comforting each other when we fall. Tearing each other down and pointing the finger only weakens ourselves. Here are some important concepts to remember next time you’re tempted to play the blame game:

1. We are all sinners and failures at some point. 

“For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God” Romans 3:23

2. We are one flesh, so blaming and tearing down our spouse is like doing it to ourselves.

So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.” Matthew 19:6

3. Blaming your man is not respectful.

However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.” Ephesians 5:33

4. Pointing out your husband’s failures is not loving.

And so train the young women to love their husbands and children…” Titus 2:4

5. The blame game is bad for everyone in the home, including the children. It tears the home down and makes it weaker instead of stronger.

The wisest of women builds her house, but folly with her own hands tears it down.” Proverbs 14:1

 

Instead of being one of those wives who is constantly pointing out where your husband is to blame for the problems you face, why not try being his helpmeet? The perfect helper wouldn’t point out the mistakes and assign blame, but rather comes alongside and helps pick up the pieces. She makes him look better – not worse. She ministers to him when he is disappointed in himself. She shares the burden, not passes it. She edifies him with her words and actions. This is the kind of wife I long to be. Praise the Lord that He continues to teach us.

 

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