Keeper of His Home

by Chelsea McCafferty

Mothering Your Man

on February 26, 2014

I’ve heard awesome, Christian men say it more than once, and in many ways, in regards to their relationship with their wives…

”If she would only stop mothering me…”.

“She treats me like a child.”

“She is always correcting me.”

“I wanted a wife, not another mother!”

Oh boy, do we have a problem here, ladies! You see God made most of us with a mothering nature. It’s part of our general makeup to mother, correct and nurture in a way that men will never fully grasp. It’s great when it comes to raising up kids – not so great when we start applying that mothering nature to our husbands. Then we have a problem indeed.

The problem is, at least in most cases, men don’t want to mothered by their wives. Hopefully when a man marries a woman, he does so because he loves her, respects her, is attracted to her and passionate towards her. He wants her to be his partner, lover, best friend and looks forward to her being the mother of his children….not HIS mother too! Suddenly, a man who has been taking care of himself, making his own decisions (such as what to wear and what to eat), is being instructed by his “wi-ther” (wife-mother) on such matters. Most men will not only find this to be annoying but also disrespectful. Pretty soon he’s asking permission to have a cookie or wear his favorite baseball cap to the picnic, and he’s wondering when that sexy, adoring woman he married decided to adopt him instead of just be his wife.

We want to be careful, sisters, that we do not treat our husbands like they are our children. I learned this the hard way myself. When my hubby and I got married, I was not a fan of his wardrobe choices at all. He would put outfits together that didn’t match or just weren’t flattering. I would confidently tell him that he couldn’t wear that out and offer him other choices. I could tell it was deflating to him and it often brought on conflict. At one point I had to decide which was more important: that I was proud of how he dressed or that I was proud of the peaceful, happy marriage we possessed. We have to pick what’s important to us. Pride is often a factor that needs to be broken down in order to allow our husbands to be who they are without mothering and scolding them into changing for us.

(By the way, if your husband likes you to pick out his clothes, that’s fine! Just don’t force your opinions on him when he doesn’t receive them well.)

So here are some of the most common ways a wife mothers her husband:

  • Telling him what to wear.
  • Telling him what to eat.
  • Telling him whom he should befriend.
  • Reminding him how to do simple, mundane tasks.
  • Correcting him when he’s telling a story.
  • Referring to him as your “other child” (uh oh)
  • Scolding him (especially in front of the kids or other people)
  • Calling him immature.
  • Speaking to him with “that” mothering tone of voice.
  • Speaking slowly to him like he doesn’t understand you.
  • Telling him what he can and can’t watch, read, listen to, etc.
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11 responses to “Mothering Your Man

  1. Kate says:

    Thanks for this reminder. I’m guilty on a few of these. Yikes. Definitely have some cleaning up to do (me, not him!)

  2. peacefulwife says:

    Love this, Chelsea! I know many husbands will appreciate and be blessed by their wives prayerfully considering the wisdom of this post. 🙂 I pray for God to continue to grant you His wisdom, Spirit and power to minister to wives for His glory. You are precious to me!

    • Thank you so much sister. We are kindred spirits indeed! I’m so blessed to have found in you a sister who has the same passion that I have for marriage God’s way. God bless you and may He continue to use you powerfully.

  3. prayinglikehannah says:

    Chelsea:
    Thanks for this post. I learned about your blog through your recent guest-post on April’s (peacefulwife) blog. I am in a season long of separation and praying for my marriage to be restored but MOST of all, I am praying for my husband to come to know God.(It was not always so, when my journey just started all I was concerned about was my marriage – but oh, how I have grown!).

    In this season, I am determined to learn to be the wife God wants me to be, knowing that I am only responsible for “my part.” I fail MANY times at doing what is right – but God, is always gracious to me, teaches me, brushes me off, and sets me back on the journey. I find this post about mothering our husbands very helpful, even at this time, when my husband is not living at home with me. Slowly – God is fixing “me.”

    • Dear PrayinglikeHannah,

      Thank you so much for sharing your story with me. I admire so much the strength that you are walking in right now and knowing that’s the strength of the Lord that is keeping you and directing you. I join you in praying for restoration in your marriage. I’ve seen these things happen! I’ve seen couples separated for years come back together and go on to live happily together. I also pray for your husband’s salvation, and that God is working on his heart.

      I just want you to know that I think it’s wonderful that you are not allowing the hurt of what’s going on to stop you from seeking God’s best for you in terms of how He wants to shape you. Sometimes pain can be paralyzing, but you are moving forward and using it to allow God to unfold His masterpiece in you. You truly bless my heart and I pray that He grants you the desires of your heart.

      In Christ’s Love,
      Chelsea

  4. You’ve hit a great point, here. So glad you’re getting this word out.
    There are times, though! Mostly I don’t tell my husband what to wear. Of course, if he comes to me with a request for it, then I do, like, “Does this tie go with this shirt…” kind of thing.
    However, our insurance company mailed him a VIVID green shirt with a black gecko on it, and he knows: I will not go out to eat with a man wearing a gecko! 😉

  5. busymomof10 says:

    Wow! Fabulous post! I TOTALLY AGREE with this!!! I was guilty of this Huge Mistake myself until God showed me the error of my ways! Sometimes I still fall back into old habits! Thanks for having the courage to point out this Common Way that wives disprespect their husbands! Also, I appreciate your linking up with Marriage Monday! 🙂

    blessings,
    Elizabeth

    • Thanks so much! This was one of my biggest areas of struggle, especially early in marriage, but I too can fall back in when I’m not being careful. It seems like a small thing but very important to our men. 🙂 So glad to have met you and I just love your blog. So glad t connect!

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