Keeper of His Home

by Chelsea McCafferty

Keeping Marriage Spicy

on February 10, 2014

I recently shared this topic with a lovely group of mommies at a MOPs event in Mariposa. In light of Valentines Day this week, I thought it’d be fun to share it with you! The topic is Keeping Marriage Spicy. Such a fun one! In doing my research and such I found so many fun and creative ideas for encouraging romance in marriage and keeping that passion alive, even in those post-baby, mommy years.

First of all, let’s look at the word romance. Men and women tend to view romance differently. Men tend to be romanced more by the senses: sight, scent, touch, etc. Women, on the other hand, are more emotionally-driven in our definition of romance. Most women want flowers, love notes, hand-holding, compliments, words of affirmation and admiration. What’s cool is that the God who made men and women, with our own characteristics, created romance between a husband and a wife to be both! We know that by reading the Song of Solomon…the spiciest book in the Bible!

“I am my beloved’s and my beloved is mine” Song of Solomon 6:3

 “My lover is mine and I am his.” Song 2:16

“My heart began to pound for him.” Song 5:4

 “How beautiful you are, my darling!” Song 4:1

“He has taken me to a banquet hall and his banner over me is love” Song 2:4

“Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth, for your love is better than wine.” Song 1:2

“A bundle of myrhh is my beloved to me that lies all night between my breasts.” Song 1:13

“His left hand is under my head and his right hand embraces me.” Song 2:6

“All night long on my bed I looked for the one my heart loves.” Song 3:1

“I am my beloveds and his desire is toward me.” Song 7:10

So God’s definition of romance includes the emotional and the physical. We read also throughout scripture that when a man and woman are married they become one flesh. This one flesh includes a union spiritually, emotionally and physically. A marriage that is lacking in any of these three areas is going to suffer, and cause the others to falter as well. So it’s important that we stay connected with our husbands emotionally, spiritually and physically.

I recently read some statistics that really surprised me. 300 married men were asked if they were happy with the intimacy in their marriage. 77% of the men said they were having less sex than they would like in their marriage. 13% said they weren’t having any at all. Funny enough, NONE of the men asked said they were having TOO much sex. On the other hand, 11% of women asked said they were having more sex than they would like. These numbers shouldn’t make anyone feel bad, but rather point out an important truth that we need to acknowledge. Men usually have a higher sex drive than women do, and that’s the way God created them. Part of our calling as wives is to minister to our husbands in this way, so it’s good to know the facts so that we can meet those needs in the marriage bed!

Romancing your husband can be such fun! We can enjoy keeping our marriages spicy by making and keeping date night. Don’t be lazy when it comes to date night. Be creative and fun. Keep the mystery alive. Even a date night at home to accommodate a tight budget can be lots of fun (especially if you can get the kids over to grandma’s house!). Be affectionate. Surprise your husband with affection and be playful. Flirt! Here are some fun flirting tips I came across while researching:

  • Leave a love note on the mirror or somewhere unexpected
  • Kiss in the car at stoplights (only on red lights haha)
  • Have a secret code phrase to tell him you want him
  • Grab and tackle him as he’s walking by
  • Set up a cozy love nest for watching movies
  • Text him sweet nothings throughout the day
  • Hint at what’s to come
  • Flirt in public or on facebook
  • Flash him, but not in public and definitely not on facebook!!!
  • Surprise him with a token of affection
  • Play footsies (discreetly of course)
  • Be playful, laugh, be silly (remember dating?)
  • Create mystery. Keep door closed before date night while you get ready. Tell him you’re wearing something special tonight. Do something unexpected.
  • Plan a surprise date night and keep it mysterious

I am putting some of these fun flirty tactics to good use and finding them to add spice to my marriage. For you cooks out there, think of what would happen if you suddenly weren’t allowed to use spice in your recipes anymore….bland! We don’t want to become our husband’s “perfect roommate” but want to continue in that passionate, romantic relationship God had planned for us when He created marriage.

I pray you would have a romantic, hot and spicy Valentines Day! God bless!

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3 responses to “Keeping Marriage Spicy

  1. […] the love of a supportive wife is better than any lust this world has to offer. You satisfy him physically and you build him up whenever you can. You show him through grace, love and support that God loves […]

  2. […] the love of a supportive wife is better than any lust this world has to offer. You satisfy him physically and you build him up whenever you can. You show him through grace, love and support that God loves […]

  3. […] the love of a supportive wife is better than any lust this world has to offer. You satisfy him physically and you build him up whenever you can. You show him through grace, love and support that God loves […]

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