Keeper of His Home

by Chelsea McCafferty

Insecurity and Intimacy

on January 24, 2014

“Behold, thou art fair, my beloved, yea, pleasant: also our bed is green.” Song of Solomon 1:16

It happens to all of us ladies. We grow older, have children, our bodies change, wrinkles appear and we stand before the mirror looking at a woman who has been much altered throughout the years. We have women who were once considered, by the world’s standards, quite lovely with perfect figures and features. We also have sisters who never considered themselves to be true beauties for one reason or another. The world tries to tell us what beauty looks like via the television and magazine racks. Yet we know that God’s idea of beauty is far different. The question is, does the way we look at ourselves affect the intimacy we enjoy with our husbands?

Intimacy in marriage is so very important. Having a romantic relationship with your husband is something God desires for His children. Reading through the Song of Solomon gives us an idea of the delight of being your spouse’s lover. That being said, there are certain issues that often arise within the heart of a woman that fills her with reluctancy in the area of sexual intimacy with her husband, and one of those issues is insecurity with her appearance.

There is no shame in admitting it. When we do not feel beautiful, it can be hard to accept the attention and affections of our husbands. We doubt the words of admiration. We shun away from being observed. We don’t feel sexy so we do not enjoy the experience of being intimate. We don’t put in the effort of wearing lingerie or preparing special romantic interludes. The shame isn’t in the way that we feel, or the way that we look, but in the detriment these feelings of insecurity has on our romantic relationship with our husbands.

Perhaps you used to see yourself as beautiful but the years have brought on crow’s feet and a few extra pounds. You’ve had children and your body is just not what it used to be. Maybe you have never really felt beautiful, at least by the world’s standard. Either way, we need to be reminded that God’s beauty is the true beauty that matters. A godly woman, who serves her husband and children with joy and prudence is gorgeous! A lady who is gentle, kind, generous and trustworthy is lovely! A wife who delights in being her husband’s perfect lover, his playmate and his best friend….she is absolutely stunning!

Charm is deceitful and beauty is passing, But a woman who fears the LORD, she shall be praised.” Proverbs 31:30

Oh sisters, do not let the world tell you what is beautiful. Do not measure yourself by that standard and allow that to define how you see yourself. Do not let the lies from the world and the enemy keep you from having a fulfilling and loving sexual relationship with your husband. If your man tells you that he loves you, believe Him. If he tells you that you are beautiful to him, believe him. Don’t doubt what he says. To him, you are incredibly and stunning and sexy because you are a woman who loves the Lord. Not only that, but remember that you have a body perfectly suited for your husband. God intended for intimacy to be joyful and pleasurable and bringing oneness.

Now there are cases in which a husband is the one who is making his wife feel unworthy or unlovely. Even Christian men can fall into sin and wrong thinking. They can be subject to the lies of the enemy. They can be deceived. If your husband speaks to you or treats you in a way that makes you feel unattractive, I’m so sorry. You need to first pray for your husband. It sounds like he is not walking in the Spirit in this area. He needs to grow in the Lord, and when he does, he will see you the way God sees you. While you are experiencing the hurt of what your husband has said/done, I encourage you sister not to allow it to stop you from seeing yourself as the beautiful woman of God you are. While your husband is in the wrong, I encourage you to do what you can to be beautiful for him. Don’t be frumpy or give up. Do what you can to be vibrant for your husband. Be pleasant and joyful. Don’t play the part of the victim because this will only harm your marriage further. Win your husband over without preaching at him or scolding him. I know that it’s hard, but you have the power of the Holy Spirit to help you walk through the storm with your head held high and the joy of the Lord pouring out of you.

Sisters, be encouraged. You are so beautiful. God has made you beautiful, inside and out. Your husband wants to enjoy you the way God intended so don’t allow a negative self image to hinder the romantic relationship you have. Read the Song of Solomon together and then be your husband’s fair lover. Be confident and enjoy the benefits of a Godly marriage!

“O my dove, in the clefts of the rock,
In the secret places of the cliff,
Let me see your face,
Let me hear your voice;
For your voice is sweet,
And your face is lovely.”

Songs 2:14

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