Keeper of His Home

by Chelsea McCafferty

Turn the Wheel!

on September 14, 2012

“Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.” Ephesians 5:22-24

Many godly wives are far too quick and eager to take up the reins of control when it seems their husbands are leading the household off course. They either take control by force, acting against their husband’s will or they manipulate and nag their husband until he changes his mind for fear of losing it! We are all guilty of doing this at some point and to some degree in our marriages, but these tactics, although usually effective, are not at all in line with what God says about the roles of husband and wife in marriage. God is clear that wives are to be in submission to their own husbands. The Word also tells us that husbands are head over the household. That means wives are not meant to run the show, wear the pants or be the boss. Our husbands are supposed to be in the driver’s seats and we are in the passenger seats. So hand over the keys ladies and trust the Lord.

I have an excellent example of taking the reins too early in my own marriage. My husband is from Scotland and we moved to California in 2007. Unfortunately he never learned how to drive in the U.K. so he got his learning permit and set about to get his California Drivers License. To get him ready for the test I had to teach him how to drive. Big mistake. Big! One day he was practicing driving around a parking lot and I suddenly felt that he wasn’t pulling over quite as much as he should to avoid hitting the curb. Without hesitation I reached right across him and grabbed the wheel, causing a little bit of a struggle, as he was pulling the wheel the other direction at the same time. I was quite surprised to find my husband was less than happy with my reaction and with me taking the wheel without giving him a chance to correct it himself.

The truth is he was right to be upset. We were in no danger. I was merely being impatient and not giving him the benefit of the doubt that he could work it out himself. By me taking the wheel I was telling him that I didn’t trust him or think that he could do it on his own. I doubted his capability. In my mind I was simply correcting a problem. As wives we need to be discerning and trust God enough to let our husbands steer the car. We know that God is in control. We know that He works all things together for the good for those who love Him and are called according to His purpose. We know that we all learn from mistakes. Take my advice ladies; don’t take the reins out of your husbands’ hands when you think he’s going in the wrong direction. Allow him to lead and trust the Lord. You will be blessed because of it and your marriage will have peace instead of struggle.

When we look at scripture, we see a long list of women who manipulated their husbands in order to get their own way. Let’s start with Eve in the Garden of Eden, feeding her husband bad fruit (Genesis 3). Adam should have been leading, but Eve took the reins and led them both into temptation and the first sin. Should Adam have refused to follow her into sin? The answer is clearly yes, which is why both were disciplined by the Lord. However, would Adam have ever considered eating the fruit if not for his wife’s encouragement? Perhaps not. How about Sarah and Abraham (Genesis 16)? Sarah’s deep desire to give an heir to her husband prompted her to convince her husband to commit adultery with her own handmaid, Hagar, and to produce the son of the flesh, Ishmael. Once the son of promise, Isaac, came along, there was tremendous friction and subsequent pain. We certainly cannot forget Delilah (Judges 16) and how she manipulated Samson, causing him to lose his hair, his strength, his connection with the Holy Spirit (for a time) and eventually his life.

These are just a few examples of women manipulating their men, but manipulation may not always be leading our husbands into sin. Sometimes it is simply leading them in a different direction than they feel God has called them. A man and woman get married and the woman wants to have a child right away, while the man feels they should wait for a few years so that they can spend time together as a married couple first. The woman seduces her husband and conveniently forgets to take her birth control pills. Whoops! Now certainly there is no sin when it comes to sex in marriage, nor is having children a sin, but the refusal of the wife to follow her husband and her manipulation is far from fitting behavior for a daughter of the King. Perhaps you want to move to the beach but your husband feels called to buy a home in the mountains. Circling the ads for lovely beach homes for sale and leaving them sitting on his favorite chair when he comes home is not the way to do it. Neither is crying and complaining all day and night until you get your way. These are tactics of manipulation and are not in line with God’s Word.

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