Keeper of His Home

by Chelsea McCafferty

Love Your Husband

on September 1, 2012

“The aged women likewise, that they be in behaviour as becometh holiness, not false accusers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things; That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.” Titus 2:3-5

Aged women should instruct the younger women to love their husbands. Now this can seem like a funny statement to some women, especially to younger wives and newlyweds. It seems to be a silly thing to advise someone, for surely a young wife loves her husband automatically and without hesitation at all times. That’s why she married him, right? It’s certainly true that most people truly love each other when they get married. They have a passion for one another and that blissful feeling that they will live happily ever after. How many women go into a marriage knowing it’s going to be a failure? Even early on in our marriages, or before the wedding itself, we must study the Word and pray about why God would include in this verse that older women should teach younger women to love their husbands. The Lord wouldn’t have included it if it were not something we needed to know. It’s important we understand what the word “love” really means and how loving our husbands could mean something different to them than it does to us.

The first thing to consider is the culture at the time that this scripture was written. People during this period had a far different idea of love then we do today, and that is due in part to the typical nature of arranged marriages. Today most people choose their own spouses, and therefore will only marry someone they love emotionally. In the days of the early church, women and men were matched for marriage by parents and for all manner of reasons. It was tradition, and in most cases it worked out just fine. Many wives at the time this passage was being written would have been placed into an arranged marriage, and therefore might not have feelings of love for their husbands right from the start. It was not unusual for men and women to be betrothed before they even met. These wives did not start loving their husbands until after their marriage began. They therefore were instructed by older women to choose to love their husbands, and often the feelings of love would develop later in the marriage over time.

This concept reminds me of one of my favorite books by author Janette Oak, “Love Comes Softly.” In this book a woman must marry a complete stranger out of sheer necessity. He is respectful and kind to her, and her affections begin to grow towards him slowly but surely over time. I highly suggest reading this book or watching the movie version. It will certainly make you laugh and cry! As this book so rightly presents, love sometimes comes after time, as respect for a person grows and develops into deeper feelings. Ultimately, in these cases, a woman chooses to love by being the wife God has called her to be, regardless of her immediate emotions and feelings.

Love is not simply a feeling. It is also a choice. Every woman of this generation can agree that love in the early stages of courtship and marriage is much different than in the later years. It starts out as an exciting burst of emotion that can hardly be contained. As time goes by, love is still there, but it changes and develops into even deeper forms of love, respect and honor of one another. Sometimes women in their super-emotional states will feel confused by this change and will think love has faded or gone. Or perhaps the husband begins to behave differently than he did the beginning. Husband and wife are becoming more comfortable with one another and less apt to try to impress each other. Romance just doesn’t have that flare it used to. Perhaps problems have developed in the marriage, and your husband is simply not acting in a loving way, which makes your feelings of love for him diminish. Perhaps it is you who are not living up to your commitments within the union.

There are many reasons the feelings of love change in marriage. Couples often joke that after the first couple years their sex life dwindles, as if that’s the norm in all marriages today. In a lot of homes, I’m sure it is the case. No matter what the cause or symptoms for these changing emotions, women must remember that love is also a choice. We can choose to love and respect our husbands regardless of how we feel at the moment, or whether or not he deserves our love. Just as we can choose to have a good attitude and to take our bad thoughts captive, we can choose to love in deed and truth with the power of the Holy Spirit. This is what the aged women are trying to teach the younger women and it is an important message in a world where people are filing for divorce because they simply “fell out of love.” You can fall out of a boat but you choose to stop loving someone.

According to Titus 2, God wants wives to love their husbands whether they deserve it or not. This commandment is between us ladies and God. He is the one instructing us to love our husbands, and if we disobey, it is the Lord we are turning our backs on. If we obey, it is the Lord who sees and will be honored by our obedience to love. Choose God’s way ladies. Love your husbands whether they deserve it or not. Keep on loving them when times are hard, and never withhold your love from your man.

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2 responses to “Love Your Husband

  1. Lisa says:

    Great wisdom. 🙂

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